The Power of Silence in Hispanic Homes
It’s no secret (pun intended) that secrecy plays a pivotal role in Hispanic homes. Secrecy has served various purposes like ensuring safety, maintaining internal peace, and protecting the family unit. I’m reminded of the first time I decided to go to therapy.
My mother’s immediate response was, "¿Y por qué le vas a ir a hablar a alguien que no conoces a contarle que? si aquí me tienes a mí y a tu papá?"
It felt like an instant jab, as if I had disappointed her. She wasn’t pleased with the idea of me sharing things what could potentially be related to our family.
In many Hispanic cultures, family is seen as the ultimate support system. Vulnerability, especially with outsiders, can sometimes be seen as a threat to the unity and strength of the family. This belief is often passed down through generations, leading to a culture of silence around personal and family matters However, through my own experience in therapy and my work with the Latine community, I’ve come to realize that with secrets also come deep shame, anger, confusion, and, at times, resentment.
Gently unraveling the role secrecy holds in our community can be frightening. It feels like going against what our families have long deemed "good," "necessary," and "right." It’s hard to confront the implications of opening Pandora’s box and allowing light to reach these dark spaces we were taught to guard so closely.
I hold space for our families' attempts to protect us, and I acknowledge the harm that can come with keeping parts of ourselves hidden at all costs. When I work with clients and we touch on the topic of secrecy, we often proceed slowly to respect the nervous system and examine how these core beliefs shape what we feel is appropriate to share, even with a medical professional. The therapeutic relationship is essential in this process.
Together, we explore how secret-keeping has affected their lives, their relationships, and even their deepest desires. We identify the role secrecy has played and what it would look like to speak to those parts of ourselves that have been kept in the dark, holding onto information that should never see the light. Gently and slowly, we befriend those hidden parts, allowing them to guide us toward creating a sense of safety.
Then, we sit with the shame and guilt. We hold space for the body to show us where these emotions have manifested somatically. Many clients describe literal heartache at the thought of feeling like they’re betraying their family system. There is wisdom in why our ancestors chose this path of silence, but it’s also possible that our system may need to be updated to discern where and how it’s safe to share what we’ve kept locked away for so many years.
If you can relate to any of this and have thought about starting therapy but feel scared, I want to validate that therapy can be a safe, non-judgmental space where you can process these deep-seated cultural norms and explore new ways to honor yourself and your family. It's a bridge between respecting tradition and prioritizing personal well-being. You are not alone in potentially struggling to make the leap or finding a therapist who can hold space for the complexity that secrecy brings into our lives. I hope you feel seen through this post.
Some questions to consider during your intake if you relate to having fears of safety in a therapeutic relationship
How do you incorporate cultural humility into your therapy practice?
Have you worked with Hispanic or Latine clients before, especially those dealing with family dynamics and secrecy?
How do you ensure that therapy respects cultural traditions while also encouraging personal growth?
How do you approach the topic of family secrets, and how do you help clients unpack their impact without causing harm to family relationships?
In your experience, how can therapy address feelings of guilt or shame related to going against family values or cultural norms?
How do you help clients reconcile cultural values, such as strong family loyalty, with their individual mental health needs?
How do you establish trust with clients who come from cultures where seeking outside help, especially therapy, is stigmatized?
If you’ve struggled with the weight of family secrets and are ready to begin your journey toward healing, reach out today to schedule a consultation. Together, we can explore a path that honors both your cultural roots and your emotional health.
